Godzilla: King Of Monsters

Godzilla: King Of Monsters is the latest in a string of attempts by other studios to keep up with the franchise behemoth that is Disney. For while the House Of Mouse marches on with the likes of all things Marvel and Star Wars other studios are desperate for a slice of the box office pie.

So while their own superheroes fall from the skies like irradiated Kryptonite, Warner Brothers is putting faith in Titans, big lizard, ape shaped titans. And they seem all too happy to follow the Marvel mode of assembling them.

The plot is little more than an excuse for big monsters fighting each other combined with Michael Bay levels of military hardware porn. The Russell Family, dad Mark (Kyle Chandler), mum Emma (Vera Farmiga) and daughter Madison (Millie Bobby Brown) are left devastated after the events of 2014’s Godzilla showdown. But Emma believes she’s found an answer, a device which will allow mankind to control the titans. What they didn’t bank on was King Ghidora, Godzilla’s nemesis, who will use the Titans to bend the planet it to his needs.

Most of King Of Monsters can be summed up by Coach Eric Tailor, sorry, Kyle Chandler’s facial expression for most of the film; that of utter confusion. Because the plot makes precisely zero sense, and that’s even accepting that giant monsters have lived on the planet without anyone knowing for millennia. What is frustrating is that writer-director Michael Dougherty felt the need to shoehorn in a plot beyond big monsters fight each other, humans sit by and quake in fear.

Instead we get a Marvel simplified version of Thanos wanting to wipe out half of existence because, guess what, the planet would be better off if there were less people on it. Is anyone else of the opinion that while dramatic this would indeed solve much of our planet’s issues? Good, glad we’re all on the same page. Then it’s just a case of letting the world’s biggest monsters assemble.

For much of the film we’re treated to lots of very complicated, often boring exposition about where these giant monsters came from. All the while the rain pours, because if Warner Brothers learned anything from their ill-fated, ill-advised, damn-right waste of source material Justice League films, everything looks cooler in the rain. Seriously, the film’s cast should be sponsored by the bathroom department of John Lewis they must have got through so many towels.

Where the film does work is in conjuring visually striking monster battles. Yes, they’re predictable, you always know who is going to win out in each skirmish, but they are stunning to look at. The kind of fan-service that will be screen-grabbed and hung on bedroom walls as art. They’re genuinely that powerful to behold. It’s just a shame that there is absolutely no substance to their style.

Godzilla: King of Monsters is a film that runs before it has learned to walk and when it’s this big it’s going to fall HARD. Still, the crash-landing is enjoyable to watch, in a two-year-old knocking over a tower of blocks kind of way.