3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy

Considering it’s selling itself as the world’s first 3D erotic movie, 3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is a pretty one-dimensional experience.

Considering it’s selling itself as the
world’s first 3D erotic movie, 3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is a pretty
one-dimensional experience.

It’s also not the world’s first 3D erotic movie.

The ‘70s 3D
explosion brought us such cinematic delights as Prison Girls (1972), The
Playmates in Deep Vision 3-D (1974), Hard
Candy (1976) and1977’s Blonde
Emmanuelle (the last two were hard-core). There’s even been 3D gay porn, 1977’s Heavy Equipment (now there’s a title to live up to) and, more
recently, in 2010 Hustler released a 3D porn parody of James Cameron’s Avatar, This Ain’t Avatar XXX.
In fact, the most popular 3D film ever made was 1969’s soft-core skin
flick The Stewardesses which, having
grossed over $27million in 1970 on a budget of $100,000, is officially one of
the most profitable theatrical films ever produced.

A loose remake of Michael
Mak’s 1991 Sex And Zen with added
ultra-violence and based on Li Yu’s erotic novel The Carnal Prayer Mat, 3D
Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy follows the erotic misadventures of arrogant
scholar Wei Yangsheng (Hiro Hayama) who, failing to satisfy
new bride Tie Yuxiang (Leni Lan), sets out on a quest of sexual
discovery which leads him to the Pavilion of Ultimate Bliss where the evil,
dissolute, licentious Prince of Ning (Tony
Ho) presides over a non-stop orgy of unimaginable sexual delights. After consulting the duplicitous Elder
of Ultimate Bliss, an elderly man magically inhabiting the body of a beautiful
young woman with a 10-foot cock he can use like a bullwhip, Yangsheng discovers
that the reason he can’t satisfy his wife is down to his microscopic
penis. Undergoing a penis
transplant, Yangsheng swaps his half-incher for a donkey’s member (I kid you
not folks), returns to the Pavilion and, feeling rather cocky (ahem), proceeds
to plough anything that moves.
Meanwhile his wife is having her own problems as she’s raped, accused of
debauchery, condemned to death by drowning and saved by scholar Shangguan who
adds her to his harem of 127 wives and concubines. But the evil Prince of Ning is nursing a grudge against
Yangsheng…

Bizarrely starring some of Japan’s
hottest AV stars (Saori Hara, Suou Yukiko) and at first echoing the comedic, almost Carry On-style, tone of the first Sex And Zen (not necessarily a good
thing) as arrogant doofus Yangsheng bumbles around and tries to get laid
despite his teeny weeny shortcomings, 3D
Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy
suddenly lurches into Hostel
territory in its last third when the mildly misogynistic undercurrent bubbles
over into some pretty repugnant sexual violence (Ning f*cks to death his
masochistic concubine, Yangsheng and Tie Yuxiang are viciously tortured). Even shorn of over two minutes of the
worst of its sadistic sexual violence, the last third of 3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is pretty repellent, hysterical torture-porn sharply at odds with the
farcical sex comedy that’s gone before.
And for an erotic movie there are just far too many penises (or is the
plural penii?) being chopped off for comfort. Sure the transplant scene is played for laughs but a hungry
dog snarfing the hero’s severed penis is never something you want to see. Counting that, the horse and the donkey
(both penis donors) and the bloody climax of the film which involves not one
but TWO involuntary penectomies, a grand total of five, FIVE, penises are
lopped off during the course of 3D Sex And
Zen: Extreme Ecstasy. Which is at least five too many. Personally, if I’m watching smut, the
last thing I want to be thinking about is getting my dick cut off.

A costume drama with very little
need of costume, trying to review 3D Sex And
Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is every bit as curious an experience as trying to watch
it. The plot is virtually
incomprehensible, most of the film seems to take place in a polystyrene cave
and the acting ranges from atrocious to mannequin but then, let’s be honest,
none of us are watching 3D Sex And Zen:
Extreme Ecstasy for its story and characterisation, both of which could do
with fleshing out (fnar, fnar).
And few of us are watching it for the Zen. We’re watching it for the sex. 3D sex. Sex you
can almost reach out and touch, taste.
Well, don’t go splashing out on the Handy Andies and a tub of goose fat
just yet.

While there’s acres of (mostly
female) flesh on show, as erotic films go, 3D
Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy is disappointingly unerotic.
The sex itself is soft-core and very obviously simulated. It’s all tastefully-lit writhing, heavy
breathing, girly squeals and heaving bosoms. There’s a lot of tit but little real titillation. More importantly, it lacks the
all-important jiggle factor, with most of the 3D effects confined to the usual
unimaginative knives flying over the heads of the audience during a climactic
fight rather than in-your-face boobies though one silk-wrapped member will
almost part your hair.

Unsexy,
unimaginative and nowhere near the immersive experience you hope it’s going to
be, 3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstasy‘s sexualised
violence against women leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Stick with the Avatar parody.