Today: May 25, 2024

Alternate Movie Endings

It could have all been so different, or at least it would have been had common sense prevailed or that lively pub discussion had occurred in a Hollywood Executive’s office instead. We’re talking about how Hollywood could have made life easier for those poor heroes in movies. So join Alan Fry Peters as he takes a look at how those films we know and love could have been oh so different.

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring
Let’s face it, the whole bum-numbing endurance test that was LOTRs could have been a whole lot shorter if they just jumped on the back of that giant eagle. They could have got to where they needed to go without all that starving and dying. Even the Ring Wraiths would have struggled to get to Frodo while he was up on eagle back.

The Matrix Trilogy
The best ending should have been right after the credits rolled on the original Matrix movie. That’s it. Stop it there! Instead they forced us to suffer two, count them, two sequels not to mention endless computer games and cartoons.

Titanic
Instead of the sad ending, where nearly everyone dies, what we really wanted was the big, happy Hollywood ending where everyone is rescued by friendly aliens who teach them all about the meaning of love. In fact, director James Cameron missed the chance for an ultimate movie cross over where it turns out that Magneto from X-Men is actually on board and stops the ship from sinking.

Star Wars: A New Hope
The plot of the original Star Wars trilogy was due to the actions of one man – the guy who operated the laser cannons onboard the Death Star. If he had simply shot the escape pod with the droids onboard, then they would never have been bought by Luke and Owen and the whole thing would never have happened. Now that would have been one short movie … and saved us all from 40 years of continued disappointment.

Jaws
It’s a well-known fact that Spielberg changed the ending slightly from the book in order to give the movie a happier ending. How much better would it have been if he had changed it so wildly that Quint, Brody and Hooper manage to drag the shark into the shallow waters and beach it? The end credits could have been a series of stills showing the main cast members posing in a comical way next to the strung up corpse of the shark.

Se7en
Detective Mills: What’s in the box? What’s in the box?
John Doe: It’s a lovely cake I baked for us all.
They sit on the ground and have a slice of cake, until the police back up squad arrives with a thermos of tea. No nightmares. No icky stuff. Just a lovely cup of tea and slice of cake. The End.

Jurassic Park
Several slight adjustments to the planned Jurassic Park would have made bone fide hit. Just install thousand video cameras throughout the island and give criminals the chance of freedom and a full pardon if they can just survive the ‘Jurassic Park Experience’. Hunger Games with dinosaurs – surely a ratings winner?

ET
Did anyone ever stop to consider exactly what it was that the aliens in ET were actually doing on Earth in the first place? You weren’t taken in by that ‘flora and fauna collecting’ cover story were you? No. They were an invading force ready to take over the planet. Imagine how different it could have been if, right after Elliot and co. dropped ET back to his spaceship several hundred other spaceships came along and started leveling the cities?

War Of The Worlds
Did it actually end? Was that what they called an ending …?

The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
Instead of going back to war torn England the quartet stay in Narnia where they are treated like kings/queens for the rest of their lives. Better than rationing and blackouts. Might put a dampener on the sequels though.

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