Today: May 28, 2024

Carry On Bond: Top Ten Saucy Quotes

Unbelievably it was in 1962 – 53 years ago – that Eon Productions, the company owned by Harry Saltzman and Albert ‘Cubby’ Broccoli, released their first James Bond movie. Based on Ian Fleming’s hugely successful novel, Dr. No, and featuring Sean Connery as 007, the film was to be the start of very something big. Since then James Bond, like Dr Who, has been regenerated and rebooted, with a new look and a new Bond for almost every era.

For all its ups and downs, Bond is the sixth most successful film series ever – just behind Star Wars, Harry Potter the Marvel cinematic franchise. Spectre, which opens on Monday, will be the 24th movie. The 25th, if you count Never Say Never Again – a 1983 film starring Sean Connery, which took its title from the fact that, its star swore he would never return to the role.

However, while the super cool spy may seem like the epitome of British style and decorum, he  also has one thing in common with another great British institution – Carry On. Yes, with character names such as Dr Goodhead (Moonraker), Mary Goodnight (The Man With The Golden Gun) Honey Ryder (Dr. No) and Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye), Fleming could have taught Carry On writers like Norman Hudis and Talbot Rothwell a thing or two. Bond himself manages to ‘slip in’  more saucy one-liners than the average Donald McGill seaside postcard. In fact, it’s all too easy to conjure up an alternative universe with Kenneth Williams as Bond, busty Babs Windsor as Moneypenny, with Sid James playing the pussy stroking villain, Blowoff. As Q might say: “Now Bond, stop messing about.”

Don’t believe us? Then join us for a count down of the ten of the best Bond Saucy Quips. In at …

Number Ten
Goldfinger, 1964
Pussy Galore: “My name is Pussy Galore.”
Bond: “I must be dreaming.”

Number Nine
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, 1969
At dinner, Bond gets a curious message, written with a lipstick between his legs:
Spectre Assassin: “Sir Hillary, is anything the matter?”
Bond: “I feel a slight stiffness coming on.”

Number Eight
Diamonds Are Forever, 1971
As Bond and Plenty O’Toole are caught mid-clinch by a gang of goons:
Bond: ”Well, I’m afraid you’ve caught me with more than my hands up.”

Number Seven
You Only Live Twice, 1967
Tiger Tanaka: “Rule number two. In Japan, men come first. Women come second.”
Bond: “I just might retire here.”

Number Six
Tomorrow Never Dies, 1997
As Moneypenny briefs Bond:
Moneypenny: “You’ll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.”
James Bond: “If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.”

Number Five
The World is Not Enough, 1999
Bond: “I was wrong about you.”
Christmas Jones: ”Yeah, how so?”
Bond: ”I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”

Number Four
From Russia With Love, 1963
Bond: “You’re one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen.”
Tatiana: “Thank you, but I think my mouth is too big.”
Bond: “No, it’s just the right size. For me that is!”

Number Three
Live And Let Die, 1973
Bond has just explained the first two Lover’s Lessons to Solitaire:
Solitaire: “Is there time before we leave, for Lesson number 3?”
Bond: “Of course. There’s no sense going out half-cocked.”

Number Two
Tomorrow Never Dies, 1997
Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.”
Moneypenny: “You always were a cunning linguist, James.”

And at Number One, an all time classic. Oh no, Matron, don’t …

Moonraker, 1979
Just as the Space Centre receives audio-visual from Bond and Dr. Goodhead’s space shuttle:
M: “007!”
Frederick Gray: “My God, what is Bond doing?!”
Q: “I think he’s attempting re-entry, Sir!”

James Bond, Spectre, opens in UK cinemas on Monday 26th October.

Paula Hammond - Features Editor

Paula Hammond is a full-time, freelance journalist. She regularly writes for more magazines than is healthy and has over 25 books to her credit. When not frantically scribbling, she can be found indulging her passions for film, theatre, cult TV, sci-fi and real ale. If you should spot her in the pub, after five rounds rapid, she’ll be the one in the corner mumbling Ghostbusters quotes and waiting for the transporter to lock on to her signal… Email:

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