Today: July 11, 2024

Carry On Bond

Unbelievably it was in 1962 – 50 years ago – that Eon Productions, the company owned by Harry Saltzman and Albert ‘Cubby’ Broccoli, released their first James Bond movie.

Unbelievably it was in 1962 – 50
years ago – that Eon Productions, the company owned by Harry Saltzman and Albert
‘Cubby’ Broccoli, released their first James Bond movie.
Based on Ian Fleming’s hugely successful novel, Dr. No, and featuring Sean Connery as 007, the film was to be
the start of something big. Since then James Bond, like Dr Who, has been regenerated and rebooted, with a new look and a
new Bond for almost every era. For all its ups and downs, though, Bond remains
the second most successful film series ever – just behind Harry Potter. Skyfall,
which opens this month, will be the 23rd Bond movie. The 24th, if you count Never Say Never Again, a 1983 film
starring Sean Connery, which took its title from the fact that, its star swore
he would never return to the role.

However, while the super cool spy may seem like the epitome of British
style and decorum, he also has one
thing in common with another great British institution – Carry On. Yes, with character names such as Dr Goodhead (Moonraker),
Mary Goodnight (The Man With The Golden Gun) Honey
(Dr. No) and Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye), Flemming could have taught Carry On writers like Norman Hudis and Talbot Rothwell a thing or two. And Bond himself manages to ‘slip in’ more saucy one-liners than the average Donald McGill seaside postcard. Don’t believe us? Then join us for a
count down of the ten of the best Bond Saucy Quips.

In at …

Number Ten; Goldfinger, 1964
Pussy Galore: “My name is Pussy Galore.”
Bond: “I must be dreaming.”

Number Nine; On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, 1969
At dinner, Bond gets a curious message, written with a lipstick between
his legs:
Spectre Assassin: “Sir Hillary, is anything the matter?”
Bond: “I feel a slight stiffness coming on.”

Number Eight Diamonds Are Forever, 1971
As Bond and Plenty O’Toole are caught mid-clinch by a gang of goons:
Bond: ”Well, I’m afraid you’ve caught me with more than my hands up.”

Number Seven You Only Live Twice, 1967
Tiger Tanaka: “Rule number two. In Japan, men come first. Women come
Bond: “I just might retire here.”

Number Six Tomorrow Never Dies, 1997
As Moneypenny briefs Bond:
Moneypenny: “You’ll just have to decide how much pumping is needed,
James Bond: “If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.”

Number Five The World is Not Enough, 1999
Bond: “I was wrong about you.”
Christmas Jones: ”Yeah, how so?”
Bond: ”I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”

Number Four From Russia With Love, 1963
Bond: “You’re one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen.”
Tatiana: “Thank you, but I think my mouth is too big.”
Bond: “No, it’s just the right size. For me that is!”

Number Three Live And Let Die, 1973
Bond has just explained the first two Lover’s Lessons to Solitaire:
Solitaire: “Is there time before we leave, for Lesson number 3?”
Bond: “Of course. There’s no sense going out half-cocked.”

Number Two Tomorrow Never Dies, 1997
Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.”
Moneypenny: “You always were a cunning linguist, James.”

And at Number One, an all
time classic. Oh no, Matron, don’t …Moonraker,
Just as the Space Centre receives audio-visual from Bond and Dr.
Goodhead’s space shuttle:
M: “007!”
Frederick Gray: “My God, what is Bond doing?!”
Q: “I think he’s attempting re-entry, Sir!”

James Bond, Skyfall, opens in UK
cinemas on Friday 26th October.

Alex Moss Editor

Alex Moss’ obsession with film began the moment he witnessed the Alien burst forth from John Hurt’s stomach. It was perhaps ill-advised to witness this aged 6 but much like the beast within Hurt, he became infected by a parasite called ‘Movies’. Rarely away from his computer or a big screen, as he muses on Cinematic Deities, Alex is “more machine now than man. His mind is twisted and evil”. Email:

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